I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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