You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize