She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
