I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
