It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
