Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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