Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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