I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
