I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
