when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
