I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
