I wish I only lived at night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
