Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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