i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
