So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
