Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
