A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
