I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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