I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
