I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
