I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize