he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
