: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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