2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦â€
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
