someone threw a dead crab at me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
