The maid of honor just puked.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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