are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
