You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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