Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
from now on my penis is your penis
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
