im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
