I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
