Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
