If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize