at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
why do cheetos always look like penises
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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