I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
