Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
