Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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