i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
