i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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