Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
