your parents love me but you hate me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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