someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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