My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
