I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
