i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
