We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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