I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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