It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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