You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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