Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
