32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
