did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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