I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
