Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
