Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
