is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
