Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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