Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize