Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
