I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
