I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
