Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize