If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
