the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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