Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
