If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
