Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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