I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
