Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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