o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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