So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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