I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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