Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
