Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
