enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
