What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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